For somereason. I am very lonely right now.

I have been single for over a year, and oafter the first couple of bouts of moving on with my life....

I dunno.

I am usually a lot better then this. But...it has once again gone to the bad place.

I just need somone...

I need to be held, and I hate it because I do the holding. And I need ot be cared for, but I do the caring. I need.... to not be me. And to fix my broken head. No amount of staples or thumbtacks, duct tape or even baling wire will help. I am irrevoccably damaged. Makes getting people to care for me..difficult. Much more so beyond friend. And most people dont cuddle and watch TV as friends.

Not in my experience.

So...sad. Very much so.

But I saw 300. And what red blooded american male cant be at least a ittle bit happy with that.

Lies my football coach told me...

..NO. Chicks do NOT dig scars.

So. Kinda been hanging out with this girl from work. She used to work for Panera, but the Insurance Agency next door hired her on to be a secretary. She left on good terms so she tends to come in and hang out with me while the closers are cleaning up.

Managers dont care, because she used te be panera family. And she is gone when they leave.

We werent really dating, never really kissed. but we would talk alot and flirt.

Yesterday, I was working with my sleeves rolled up. and she asked about my scars.

I told her the truth. Some were me being an idiot. Some were genuine accidents, and some of them were inflicted by someone.

Some of you know what I am saying. Some dont. Dont worry about it.

Anyways, she got this weird look on her face. And she said she was so sorry. and please dont take this the wrong way. I was a really great guy. But she "can't date damaged goods"

Yes, that was a quote. I kid you fucking not.

So, she left. I baked.

I got over all my scars and why I have them a long time ago. I went through a few years of self worth issues because of it. But I finally told myself I was gonna give it one more day of covering myself even in the hottest of the summer. One more day of wearing gloves so no one can see.

I gave myself one more day.

And nothing changed. So I i said fuck it. Its my skin.

People can bitch if they want too.

Everytime I get rejected because of them, i still get a bit shaken though...like my ground is suddenly made of dust, instead of earth. The roots cant grip.

We shall see eh?

We shall see.

Song of Two Warriors..

Anyone know two Warriors who need a theme song?

3rd Strike - Into Hell Again.

It's all from the heart I say
Back down but we've come a long way
walk the path to an early grave
see so much hate and so much heartache
when we thought we've passed the 25
others left, but one more still alive
the injustice tears my eyes years of hate or life of heartache

If you ever need me I'm here
I'll follow you into anything
if you ever need me I'll be there
I'll follow you into hell again

In this world that we fight each day
it's kinda' hard to find a brother that's one in the same
heavy heart weighing on my soul
but I keep my head up bracing for the unknown
bullets fly we're no longer taking cover
we'll never die
findin' strengh in one another
as long as we stick together for life
we'll pass that hate and crush that heartache

If you ever need me I'm here
I'll follow you into anything
if you ever need me I'll be there
I'll follow you into hell again

we stand up proud and tall
refuse to take the fall
the flames are burning bright
spread fire to the fight

You can take our lives
but you can't take our pride
we'd rather die on our feet
then live on our knees
from wrong to right
a right to run our lives
it's who we care
it's the family we have started

If you ever need me I'm here
I'll follow you into anything
if you ever need me I'll be there
I'll follow you into hell again

yeah, you'll always be my brother
yeah, you'll always be my friend
yeah you'll always be my brother
my brother